Storey's first birthday. What a day it was for her and for myself. In the days leading up to the 4th, I cast myself to the previous year, remembering what we were doing and how we were feeling. I look back on my pregnancy with joy and, at times, nostalgia, missing Storey growing and moving in my belly. I loved the feeling of anticipation upon her arrival, dreaming of how our home birth would play out and seeing her face for the first time. I still get weepy just thinking about it. In honor of her birthday, I would like to include an excerpt from my journal after Storey's birth:
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It is amazing how absolutely wrong you can be about your self. This includes who you are, what you think you should be and where you feel you belong in this world. That is not to say that I have not been pleasantly surprised with this misjudgement of myself. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, Life seemed to throw me a curve ball before I was even ready to step up to the plate.
My ten months of pregnancy took me from complete despair and pure fear to the most loving acceptance and joy that I have ever experienced. Where there was doubt at the onset of my pregnancy about the interesting and unexpected turn our lives had taken, I have found a complete and settling place. I am convinced this is exactly what I should have always been doing. I have come to a point that I cannot imagine being a part from this little girl. I have comfortably and with great honor and pride and bursting-at-the-seams love become a mother. The title of mother can still catch me off guard, but at the same time, I cannot help but feel all giddy and warm at being called "mama".
This little being has already taught me more in her 12 months of life than I think I have learned in my 25. It is true that I have gone through the most extreme happiness I have ever known to the most extreme tiredness and stress I have also ever felt. But the joy I have felt far far outweighs any of the negative, if I could even call it that. Maybe "the not so easy moments" is a better way to put it :).
There were only a few things I was sure of. Call it a mother's intuition, but I knew that 1) I was going to have a girl, despite the odds that were against us. Our child was eighth in a line of grandsons in my husband's family. But early on in the pregnancy, I had dreamt of a girl, twice. 2)This little girl was going to have dark hair and a lot of it. 3) I would deliver on a cold winter's night. 4) I would not have a long and painful labor and delivery. There were a few reasons I felt this. I had become a regular in a pre-natal yoga class. At the end of each practice, the instructor would take us through a visualization exercise. Each time, I would play out the birth in my mind. I had absolutely no idea what to expect, but I did have these positive feelings and affirmations to send to her. I also gained knowledge and a trust in my body, baby, and Creator through Birthing From Within Classes that put my fears of the great unknown to rest. I knew that my Creator had designed my body to give birth in an organic and uninhibited way. To me, this took the form of a natural child-birth at home with midwives and my husband by my side. I also trusted this living child in my womb, plain and simple. I had this feeling that she knew exactly what she was doing. She had been doing it beautifully for ten months, and she would come out when she was good and ready.
I will resist posting my entire birth story here, but as most of you know, Storey was born in our bedroom, into the loving and protective arms of her dad with our two amazing midwives.
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For her first birthday, Josh and I invited all of our favorite people to celebrate with us. Storey had over 40 people surrounding her that day! I was so elated and a bit emotional and so thankful of the people in our lives.
Storey's buds
Storey with her Poppi and Great-Granny
We kicked off Storey's second year with PB&J sandwiches, hot chocolate, and a delicious chocolate cake that Josh baked on a chilly Sunday afternoon :)
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